What makes America great? Many things. But one of them is obviously Hollywood. After all, it is well known that the terrorists hate Hollywood because it shows them all of those awesome things they don't have in their countries (like explosions!). And anything that terrorists hate is therefore awesome by the laws of logic. And we can see that American movies are awesome by highlighting two contemporary classics, which I will cover in my new feature, Andrew's America. The first of these films is the Micheal Bay directed cult classic, Transformers.
Transformers is, simply, everything that is right about Hollywood cinema. After all, many films have tried to encompass every cliche in the book, but none up to this point have ever hit them all. Transformers did it. Shall we list them?
1- beloved 80s cartoon (check)
2- explosions (check)
3- army people acting like bad asses (check)
4- army people being surprised that there are things more bad ass than it in existence, which is throwing them for a loop, so they need to employ the help of some teenagers (check)
5- explosions (check)
6- attractive teenage girl who is with the jock, but deserves better because she is hot and therefore deserves better (because she is hot) (check)
7- nerdy guy who doesn't really look so nerdy but is sort of awkward in an endearing way and was the only remotely enjoyable thing about the whole movie (check)
8- that nerdy guy has a crush on the hot chick but it's because the hot chick has a good personality (check)
9- see how deep this character development is going! (check)
10- explosions!!!!! (check)
11- nerdy black guys (they are not racists!) (check)
12- I remember there was some other girl I think and I'm sure she was some sort of awesome character with a lot of depth in the role but I cannot remember right now because I am hopped up on energy drinks and I think I want to watch transformers again wooooowoowowow!!!! (check)
13- BOOM!!! (that's the sound of an EXPLOSION!) (check)
14- subtle product placement that is so subtle you are wondering why they were not also cross promoting the Simpsons movie that was due out the same month you know they could have had Clancy Wiggum rolling down a hill in a beer costume and then the costume could have.......... EXPLODED when it hit a tree at the bottom of the hill.
15- I need to buy a ford mustang (I think that was... EXPLOSIONS!!!! ...what was I thinking about? Do I need a parenthases here? MORE BIG EXPLOSIONS!!!!
I am bored with writing now. I think I will watch Bad Boys 2 now.
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